I just heard about Elizabeth Edwards dying. She had cancer a couple of times and this time didnt survive. Its like its sort of like what has happened in my life. My really bad year, 17. Sex, relationships falling apart, people dying of cancer. I dont know. She seemed to hold it together so well even though her husband wasnt supportive of her, at least in what he really did in life. They say he was there with her when she died. Was he there with her when she really needed him, when she should have been going to the doctor, but instead she was campaigning for him? He sounds kinda like me, self centered, immature, and dramatic. Ohhhh I want to be president. Well who would want that job? Everyone hating you, but so much power and attention.
I am kind of at a stage where I am changing from one kind of person to another. I have been such a little baby. I was always the baby, because I was the youngest. And I didnt even realize it but I acted the role and played it for all it was worth. Crying for attention, but not having much to give back but being cute. Now I hope I can still hang onto cute and not need attention so much. I want to do something in life to be worthy of attention. And still be cute!?! If I lose that I wont be able to deal with it! But seriously, I think I am finally realizing that I dont want to be the person other people have to clean up the diapers for! And if you have read this blog from the first post onward, you know I have been a real poop butt!
So thank you Elizabeth Edwards for being brave and all and for dying? Would people have learned from your example if you just faded away?
Alot of what my mom gave me, was in her last months of life when she tried to tell me everything that she would have if she had seen me marry, and have kids, and all that. She tried to pass on to me her wisdom. I dont know if she did. Alot of what she said to me is still like undigested food. Sitting there as memories but not really used. I think I will look back throughout my life at those last months and remember something she said, and I think that is what she was trying to do. I love her so much. Elizabeth Edwards reminded me of her tonight by dying.
I'm crying and happy.
PS Please do some of the silly stuff on the Pancreatic Cancer Action Network link over on the right side. Little bits of help add up. Or Susan B Komen, or what ever. Please?