Saturday, October 23, 2010

Gingerbread house

  Greta my therapist says it is good to talk and get stuff out, like I am doing here. She says we are all bipolar, sometimes we are all excited and gushing and sometimes quite and withdrawn and its just a balancing act we do to make life more exciting or work out problems. She says the label bipolar is more harmful than the disease! But the trick is to find the balance, and sometimes we need help. I asked her if she needs help, and she said shes good at balancing now, but thats because she is so old that she doent go to far one way or the other! Shes like in her 70's, and its amazing that we can even talk to each other like we do. I called this post gingerbread house because I think of Hansel and Gretal because of her name, Greta. And her office is in this old house in Napa that looks kind of gingerbready.
   Waffles were good. I had strawberry jam on mine, dad had syrup. My butt feels like its 2 inches bigger now and its still misty outside so no bike ride and I dont run. I was thinking of going shopping and taking dad with me, but I cant think of anything we need. Maybe I will say we need to go to costco and get toilet paper and supplies, thats like 25 miles each way and would kill the day and maybe dad would buy me lunch somewhere and it would be good. But I feel lazy and cozy too and so we'll see. He usually ends up buying something we dont need when we go there and shopping is therapy. Just having your mind off things is therapy.
  If I was feeling my old self I would try to get him to take me to the westfield on market street and make him buy me stuff at juicy of something, and then lunch somewhere cool and expensive. But I'm not ready for the stuff I used to want to do. Its like it would be disrespectful to mom to do some special treat thing. And I dont need and slutty clothes anyway. I think I'm wearing jeans and simple stuff for the rest of the year.


this would be fun, if I were just a bit thinner. I would rock this if you liked big butts and thighs.

    I dont know what it would be like to make my dad help me clothes shop. We would go into the city sometimes and shop, mom worked in the city a lot and knew it pretty good, but dad would to off and do his thing, maybe galleries or MOMA or something and even mom would get bored with clothes shopping. And we would meet for late lunch or maybe dinner and go home. I like the energy in the city, but I can see how it would get old real fast smelling the pee on the sidewalks and seeing the bums, and the noise, and traffic. Its a nice place to visit.
   Really its the people that make the city so interesting, SF has soooo many strange and wonderful humans. I like how the gay people make the atmosphere more open and stuff. Even the people who are not gay can be who they want and not be freaks. One time we went to the city and it was the love parade, and girls were in the parade and walking on the sidewalk topless. Derick was having trouble not staring and he was even sneaking pictures with his digital camera of girls. I didnt have the heart to tell him that they were probably lesbians and would bust his balls if he tried to even talk to them, or maybe beat him up if they didnt like having photos taken. Dad was pretending to not notice that he was so facinated with boobies, and mom was saying "oh look at that, shes topless". He has a girlfriend he is living with now so I hope he gets to see some close up enough that he wont have to stare now.
   Speaking of staring reminds me of another trip to the city the summer between junior and senior year, summer before this one, when me my then BOYfriend (as in little boy who wanted my BUTT but couldnt have it because he was too immature) and my friend and her boyfriend, (no names cause we all kinda kept it secret). I always wanted to go to burning man but mom said I was too young at 16 because of the drugs and sex there, but she let me drive into the city this time after I got my car and license, because she thought it would be good for me to learn to do stuff on my own. Of course I had to go with other people so I would be safe. What she didnt know was that I had planned this trip so that we could go to the beach, but not just any beach, but Baker beach, the place where burning man started! And where there is a nude beach too. Mom has always been cool with nudity, not that we did it at home, but sometimes I could tell that she had been skinny dipping in the pool when no one was home, because she didnt have a swim suit hung up to dry, but was just finished swimming.
   Anyway we drove to the city and if you know San Francisco, just after you cross the golden gate bridge, you can turn off into this old army fort, its all governent land with gun bunkers and stuff. and below the cliffs is a beach that faces out into the passage that goes through the golden gate, and one end of it is nude. We all agreed before hand to go there and try being nude. It was my idea and the guys seemed to like it and xxxx my friend, whos mother is big time into jesus would die if she found out, said she would do it if I would. I think she wanted to do it for her bf and to see him any my bf too.
   So we get there and walk way down the beach from the parking lot, past the normal beach to the nude area, and its cool because there are other women there nude! YaY!  And we find a spot neat some women and not too close to the main crowd, and lay out our towels and so I strip off real fast just to get it over with, and xxxx is slowly taking off one thing at a time and folding it and finally gets down to panties and bra and the guys are not doing anything! Just standing around and not even looking at us, or if they do being careful not to look down! Its too funny! I said come on boys get naked, but they say they want to make sure its safe and go check down the beach and ask some other guys and stuff, and they walk off leaving me naked and xxxx in underware, (which is move modest than her bikini would be!!!) Boys, little boys, afraid someone will see their weeny.
   So xxxx strips off too and we lay down on our fronts and kinda watch around and talk and stuff for a while till we notice that a few creepy old guys have just happened to wander near us and are taking looks and acting like they are all casual and stuff. Its like when you drop some food on the ground and the birds start to move near you hoping to get a treat! And a couple of these old guys are so tan that they must live naked, and one had a big ring around his stuff to make it stand up!  xxxx was starting to get a bit creeped and so was I because I think some of the guys were going to masturbate or something, but them the women near us got up and called out to a couple of the guys by name and told them to fuck off old pervs, and this seemed to wake them up and scare them!
   And then she gets up and comes over to us and introduces herself and her partner to us and starts a conversation. So you have to imagine her, shes a bit stocky, not chubby but more guy like with almost muscles, and shes all tatted up like a wall of grafitti and pierced too!  xxxx is just staring and cant talk because this woman has both nipples piecred and her labia and clit too!  She had 4 rings in a row on her labia and one bigger one going across her hood sideways. She saw xxxx staring and asked if she like the piecrings and I asked if it hurt. She said it did just for a few minutes when you get them, and then she spreads her labia open and taps the ring on her clit and says "but it feels so good later". Oh My God, a lesbian just showed me her clitoris and I'm laying naked in front of her and I think she is hitting on me, because she is acting like guys do when they want something, all nice and interested and polite. But I think her partner was getting jeleous and then the guys came back, so she went back to her towel.
   The guys said they didnt think it was a good idea for them to get naked because there were a lot of gay guys there and they didnt want gay guys to see them. ?????? WTF?? But I said we had a deal, either you get naked or we will say you were chicken. So they both dropped their shorts and took of their shirts and underware and were naked. I think they were embarassed too because it was kinda cool being at the ocean and their peniss were all shrunken up. They only stayed naked for a few minutes and then we all decided to move over to the normal beach because none of us were like having as much fun with being naked as we thought it would be. Maybe we though it would be like when we were little kids and ran around in the house after a bath or something. But we saw them and they saw us and we all agreed that we would never tell anyone about it. But I'm not using names here.
   We spent a few more hours on the normal beach and really had fun, and the guys were constantly checking us out now that we had our bikinis on. And a couple of times you could tell they got boners in their shorts too. Funny. Later we went and had an early dinner and got home before dark and xxxx's mom didnt have to die because her daugher was naked or anything. Me an my bf broke up later that year, but it was ok and we still like each other, it was just not the time in each others life for whatever. Hes still a bit of a little boy, going to school at UC Irvine, the OC and all and I am sure he is having fun there.

OK Gretta, are you proud of me. Big secrets revealed. I opened up and stuff. Mom are your reading this in heaven? Not that I believe in heaven! I am like my mom, having adventures. How will I raise my daughters? Sons? How will I do it with out you.

DAD lets get out of the house and do something.

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