More I DON'T want to talk about

     Theres a road up in the hills that is a dead end that guys go to party or take girls too. Guys call it "the lane", and its actually a nice little road with trees along it and places on the side to park and even some views of the valley. I've been there.
    I dont know if I can tell this or not. But I'll type it out and see if I click on publish. This is another story about why some other people are mad at me. Real mad.
    It was spring time now and close to graduation and things were sort of normal at home, except my mom was traveling a lot to see doctors and get treatment. Dad and Mom would drive down to Stanford, the hospital and she would see her doctors and then they would have lunch or dinner in the city before coming home. It was like they had been out on a date when they did this, they would come home and be holding hands or being especially nice to each other. But mom was away alot, I think she was sort of shutting down her business too and seeing her clients, so I had time to myself after school. Sometimes she would be gone overnight and if dad was working in the field, I was free to do what ever.
   Hard, hard hard. How can I say this and not sound so incredibly stupid. I'm still a virgin, but I will do stuff. If I like a guy and I trust him and stuff,  I wont "make him suffer". I know how guys work, and I know how to help them be happy and relax. I'm not frigid, or a prude or think sex is bad. And there are ways to both be happy without screwing. I sometimes do those things. Presidents do them, or at least get them done to them. I like it done to me and I like doing it to guys. Think popsicles and ice cream cones. I'm a cone. My bf and I from last summer did it a lot, make ourselves happy together. A LOT. So I kinda know how pretty well, and I dont feel guilty about that either, cause it was private. And guys really cant think about anything else until they get it, or off! And afterward was the best because we could just talk and relax and it was a nice feeling to be close like that.
    OK. So it was friday afternoon, moms out of town, dads out till late, and I'm hanging around in town with you know who, x, who was going to give me a ride home, when the guys showed up. I think alot of people know who they are, but I'm not so stupid as to even put any names on the internet. "A" who is "x's" bf, (Well WAS), "B" who is my ex bf, and "C" their usual third in the crew. So we are standing around and talking and joking and its like real casual because they all have gf's and arent trying to get anywhere with me, just talking, but x needs to go home and I want to hang out somemore, so the guys say they will drive me home, so she leaves. And its still cool because we are just talking and its not like I am alone with one guy, so the guys cant get in trouble with their gf's, because they were just going to give me a ride and none of them were alone with me. So after a while we get in the car and are starting to drive, and we are talking and joking and stuff, and when we pass the road that turns off into the hills where the lane is, B my ex bf says "I bet you miss going up there" joking of course because we used to and now he has a new gf and I dont have a bf at the moment. So hes just teasing me about that, which is cool.
     And really it is because we still like each other alot and maybe sort of love each other, but love like in bother and sister or friends, and not like we would ever do sexual stuff again. I even hooked him up with his gf now. Sneaky me, after we broke up, and it was mutual because we both talked about it and about how we were different and sort of wanted different things. He was the kind of guy who hung with a crowd, but wasnt the leader type, and would probably get a good job right out of college and never have any adventures. He was a real nice guy and smart, but I knew I would be bored with him someday, and he knew it too, so we broke up while it was still good, and I told him that I knew this girl who was watching him and liked him. And then I told her that he was sorta into her, not that he really said that, but it made it so that they got interested in each other and I was all like cool with it and supporting him and her and not being wierd about it. So they hooked up and were happy.
   So anyway he is teasing me about the old us, and its like cool and funny and joking, but then A says well maybe I should drive you two up there so you can remember old times, and hes joking too, and C says DO IT Do It! All joking, so A turns around and goes back to the turn off and drives all of us up to "THE LANE" And the guys are laughing and its funny to me to because these guys are like brothers and friends not guys I would ever do anything with and I felt perfectly safe with them. A was X's bf! And B and C had serious gf's.
    So we're sitting there in A's Tahoe, A and B in the front and C and me in the back, and still laughing about how funny it is to be up at the lane like this, and I joke that I know why A drove us up here, its because he wants to do gay making out with B! And I tell C that lets watch the two bro crushs make out.
And they are like all embarrassed at the idea, and even with sitting up front together I think, so B turns around on the front seat on sort of standing on it facing us in back and pulls down his shorts and wiggles himself at us, or really me, saying "No, this is what you really want to see!" And is funny as hell because just like on the nude beach his weenie is teenie, its like it barely sticks outside his hair. (It gets big just fine, but its always small at first). And the other guys are busting up, and so am I, because, dude, no one wants to see that! I mean it was soooo funny him showing it when it was nothing!
     And then C says "no, this is what you want to see, and pulls his shorts down, and hes got like a half boner and hes holding his hand at the base and waving it back and forth like hes got a baseball bat for a dick. And A and C are busting up, because there I am sitting next to a guy with his dick out! Not that I mind at all really because it IS funny!
     You know I am a really sexual girl. Still a virgin, but I think a lot. You'd be amazed at what I think. But really even after the end of this story, I still dont feel like a slut. I've only done sexual things with 5 guys, and never had real sex even. And 3 of the 5 guys are the guys in the car. I played with a guy when I was 12, we both touched each other, and fooled around for like a half hour, I got into a real serious make out with a guy when I was 15 and that was the first time I saw a guy squirt stuff, and the first time a guy got me off. And ALL the stuff me and B did last summer  :)   . Thats it excecpt for what happened at the lane. At least in real life. I did do some stuff on the internet, but that doesnt count the same. And kissing and making out above the belt doesnt count at all. I know some people think boobs are sex, but thats only in the sixth grade!
     So anyway C is waving is half hard weenie all proud and stuff, so I lean over and open my mouth and bare my teeth and make like I'm going to bite it off! And go Chomp Chomp with my teeth! and I thought the guys up front were going to pee their pants like little girls, they were laughing so hard! They said youd better put that away while you have the chance! And C is starting to pull up his shorts, but I say No wait, and I leaned over and kissed the head, and say there I wanted to apologize for scaring the little man.
   I dont know why I did it. I just did it. I was just playing around, joking with my friends, I didnt even really mean it to be sexual, but suddenly is was so quite. A and B were just staring and looking amazed like they had seen something they never expected to see in their whole lives. You know when people say that its like there is electricity in the air? Well this was like that, it was like the whole atmosphere in the car was super tight and ready to burst, and tingling. And the way the guys were, so quite and so intense, I suddenly knew that I had some like magic power over them. It was like I knew I could control them or make them do anything I wanted, kinda like they were now hypnotized or under a spell.
   C is not a guy I would normally hook up with. He and his gf were like super serious and everyone expected them to get married, and both their families were convervative and old countryish. But he had stopped pulling up his pants and he was suddenly a lot harder. A and C are just staring at his thing and at me next to it, and seeing them like that made me want to keep them in the spell, so I real slowly leaned back over to C and held him by the base with my hand and lowered my mouth all the way that I could, and went up and down a couple times real real slow. As was like "fuck", and B said "shit, dude, oh man" Just a minute before we had be laughing so hard and it was all light, but now it was like we were all 4 in some little bubble where the only thing that existed where these intense feelings. I could tell that C would lose control real fast, he was tightening up his whole body. I felt soooo powerful for making him like that and for having the other guys so intense, and I was getting this rush of sexual feeling, like I really needed someone to do something to me too. And it was like it was safe too in this little bubble of time. I said just to anyone " I want someone to do this to me", meaning the girl version of what I was doing to C. A said to B "you do it dude, you know your way around on her", and he get out of the front and comes back and opens the door on my side and then hes sliding my shorts and panties off, and I think he can smell me, and remembers it, and just goes for it on me, just right down in and his tounge is all over, and I'm like loosing control. I look up at A and say, I havent seen yours yet, so he gets out and comes over to the side C is on, and drops his shorts and is already half hard and rubbing it up and down, and I look up at him and tell him to come closer, and I put him in my mouth for a bit, and he is using his hand still too, when I feel C start to tense, and as I back up from A, C creams my hair and cheek and his shirt and maybe even the ceiling of A's car! And A sees C squirting and starts to squirt too onto the ground and on the seat next to C and a little on C's leg! And almost on my face!
   Then suddenly like almost while they are still squirting we hear a car coming, and everyone scrambles to get back in their pants and in the car, and A is starting the car, and we're driving off. But its only some farmworkers in a pickup.
     It was a super quiet ride, no one said one word literally, until they said goodbye when they dropped me off.
    So.     THAT WAS LESS THAN TEN MINUTES OF MY 17 PLUS YEARS OF LIFE. Maybe even 5 or 7 minutes, and nobody got killed, no family fortunes got gambled away, or spent on drugs. No one got arrested or sick or hurt in anyway, in that little tiny few minutes. Two boys had an ejaculation, and I wasnt even really touching them when it happend, although I caused them. I didnt get anything but messy wet. And I dont know if B even had a chance to get hard. Ten little minutes. How can I be the super slut I am now famous for all over the Napa valley? And all these familys and people so mad at me and each other too.
    People found out. Shit hit the blades big time. I'm not really sure how anyone found out, but I suspect that C who is catholic and so is his family and his gf, maybe told his gf, who told her mom and sisters, who told her dad, who went charging over to C's house to kill his dad and him for cheating on his daughter. And then it seemed like everyone knew. My mom found out because one of her clients is in town and told her that she was hearing bad rumours about me and maybe she should talk to me, and told her the rumours, which were now about some gangbang and a "bunch of guys" and some of them getting an infection! And no, you can not go and say no thats not what really happend because then you would have to admit to things that people still would not understand like they really were. It was ten fucking minutes of teenagers being a little sexual among friends. But in peoples minds it was something else I cant even believe people think like. But yes the "repercussions" were really bad.
   A and his gf broke up, and that was x, who was like my best friend, and her parents are real christian and think I am the devil now, I cant even text her cause they blocked my number! and she hates me anyway now.  C and his gf are still broke up, of course,  but B and his gf are still together. Weird. Whole families of people now hate each other and really no one in the families did anything. And my parents are not as welcome with some people, and I am like a non person. People "dont see me" the rare times I "appear in public".
   But its after this that I sort of lost control of how I was acting at home and started to be a real problem to my mom and dad. My mom and I got into a real screaming fight that lasted for hours, really all day, till we were both crying and screaming and then just so tired that we locked ourselves in our rooms. I think I cried all night and didnt sleep.
   So, I've already started writing my next post, and its going to be called "I don't want to be your mom anymore".  But please know that I am writing about things in the past, so, well, worse shit happens but its sort of getting over now.